


Comfort in the Dark

by mailman_apocalypse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Broken Hearts, Depression, FWB, Focus is on sheith but it’s klance for a bit, Friends With Benefits, Friends fighting, Hurt feelings, M/M, SHEITH - Freeform, Shiro - Freeform, Shiro is missing!, confused keith, friends for comfort, keith - Freeform, klance, lance - Freeform, one sided affection, pining lance, slight non con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 22:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19282696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mailman_apocalypse/pseuds/mailman_apocalypse
Summary: CURRENTLY REWRITING THIS FIC AS OF 5/1/2020After Shiro goes missing, a grieving Keith turns to his friend Lance for comfort. Once Shiro has returned, Keith has to face both parties as they fight over him. Who will win!?Will be nsfw in future chapters





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first time writing a fic in like 7 years! Please don’t judge too harshly, I’m trying to figure this whole thing out and there will probably be mistakes along the way, but that’s life! I’ve had this idea in my head for about a year and wrote the first 3 chapters, then just stopped. I’ve been inspired to pick it up again so here we are!! Enjoy!

It was all over. His whole world gone in an instant. Where was he? Where was Shiro? Was he going crazy? The last time he saw him he was fighting Zarkon and his RoBeast, then just as everyone had claimed their victory Shiro had vanished. He felt empty, like a special part of him was wrenched out of him, leaving him to deal with the pain and the only way to stop it was for Shiro to come back and make him whole again.

Two weeks had gone by. Still no sign of Shiro, but he was trying his damndest and wouldn’t give up until he was found, even if that meant giving it his all every day in training, until he collapsed from exhaustion and stress. His daily routine after the incident was, to pull himself out of bed, stare at whatever he found for breakfast, eat a few bites, train until he couldn’t move, and then scan every frequency he could find, until it all turned into background noise and everything around him started spinning. Only then would he force himself up and make the slow trek to his room.  
He pulled his heavy form off from the couch in the common area and shuffled weakly to his room down the hall. As he made his way down, Lance poked his head out from his room trying to catch the attention of the other with a soft, warm smile, which was ignored by Keith. Keith just slumped against his door until it opened and he fell in, stumbling to the bed, not caring to get out of his sweaty clothes. He finally started to drift off to sleep, until he heard a knock at the door. Keith groaned out a noise, face down in the mattress, which Lance took as a sign to come in and sit on the bed next to Keith’s body. It was silent for a moment until Keith muffled out a “What do you want?” Refusing to move his head to properly talk to the other, “I just wanted to see how you were doing buddy”

A pause

“How do you think I’m doing?” Keith said as he finally moved to shove himself as far away as Lance as he could on his small bed. He never liked serious conversations, especially when he was the topic of interest, and he could feel the sympathy oozing off of Lance trying to get him to open up and finally talk about his feelings.  
Lance moved to sit a little bit closer to Keith, trying to get into his personal space. 

Lance let out along sigh, “Look dude, I’m just worried about you. We’re all worried about you. All you do is work yourself past breaking point and stay up scanning those stupid frequencies for whatever it is you’re trying to look for. You hardly eat and if you’re not training you’re isolating yourself in your room. We just want to make sure you’re okay. We all felt what you felt when Shiro disappeared and we’re trying to find him, but wallowing about it isn’t going to help us get anywhere. You need to keep your strength up by not working yourself to death and actually eat something that’s good for you, because when we find him, we may have to fight to take him back and if you’re in this state when that time comes, we’ll never be able to get him back.”

Keith was silent. Lance was right, but he couldn’t help what he was feeling. He’d rather work himself to the bone and pass out from exhaustion than cry himself to sleep. Keith was slowly getting angry. What did he know about what he was feeling? Should he just wake up tomorrow and act like nothing happened? Should he be happy? Should he laugh with his teammates? Should he not do everything he could to look for Shiro? Lance knew nothing. He couldn’t relate to how he felt. No one could. He just wanted Lance to leave, so he didn’t have to think about this anymore. He was tired and he just wanted to sleep.  
Keith was too lost in his thoughts and didn’t notice how close lance was until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Something in him snapped.

“You don’t know shit about how I’m feeling Lance. I fucking loved him and now he’s gone. Hes gone and I never told him how I felt!” Lance was shocked, frozen in place as Keith yelled at him, tears pricking at his eyes.

“I feel like a piece of me is gone and you just want me to pretend like everything is fine? Lance nothing is fine! Our leader is gone! Our friend is gone! The man I love is gone...” tears finally started to flow as he choked his last words out and started to sob into the blankets. Feeling a small bit of relief pour over him as he finally let out his bottled up feelings. 

Lance just sat there frozen. He’s never seen Keith like this. What should he do? Taking a deep breath and bracing himself for a fight back he dove into wrap his arms around the other and hold him tight. He was relieved to find that Keith didn’t fight back, but cried harder, shaking as his breath came out hard and his emotions fully took over. 

After what felt like 2 hours, Keith was finally silent, all out of tears and more tired than he was when he first fell to bed. Everything was blurry and his voice was hoarse. Lance was still there one arm holding him, while the other stroked his hair, cuddled together on the bed. Both too exhausted to move or say anything, they drifted to sleep, silently agreeing to tell no one about this


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance comes to Keith’s aid again, but will it end up in tears or happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long! The last week has been hectic and I got a little sick so was sleeping for most of my days off, but I’m here now and ready to rip out your heart!

The next morning Keith woke up, body feeling heavy, but mentally felt a little lighter than he did for the past two weeks. He looked around and found himself alone, looking at the clock he realized it was well into their teams second training session of the day. Keith got up and replaced yesterday’s slept in clothes with a fresh pair and looked in the mirror examining himself before he left. He had terrible bags but his frown wasn’t as pronounced today, he even fixed his hair, which he hadn’t thought to do since before the big event. Taking a deep breath, he walked out of his room and headed towards the kitchen. He tried to find something that wasn’t foreign and strange, but settled on some kind of bread and jam, or at least he hoped it was jam. He sat in the empty kitchen enjoying the silence, until he heard footsteps coming from down the hall. 

“Good morning sleepy beauty” Lance said with a smile as he made his way to the kitchen. He stood across from Keith at the counter as he took him in. Keith ignored him, thankful for the bread inhibiting his speech. Lance tried again to get the other to reply.

“You look better. How did you sleep?”

Keith rolled his eyes before swallowing his bite of jam and bread and answered him, “like a rock”. Silence. As Keith remembered Lance holding onto him as he cried his lungs out, awkwardness starting to seep into the air. Keith played with a bit of his toast, not looking up at Lance.

“Okay… so how do you feel today” Lance asked, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the plain wall behind Keith that was helping to calm his nerves.

“I feel better... still like shit, but better.” Keith mumbled. 

Silence.

“Well everyone is training in the simulator if you want to head over there” Lance said as he slowly made his way back to his other teammates. As Lance was almost gone, he heard a small “thanks” from Keith. Lance stopped, and backtracked to poke his head out of the hall, a small smile growing onto his face.  
“Thanks for last night. You didn’t have to be there but you were and I appreciate it.” Keith looked down, a stern look on his face.

“No problem, dude.” Said Lance, and with that he walked back to the simulator, a hop in his step.

After joining the others in the simulator and a couple of tough fights, Keith walked out with the others who were just as exhausted as he was. They all said their good nights as they all went to shower or eat. While he waited for the showers to clear out, Keith scanned the frequencies again, trying to find something to lead him to Shiro, but this time not staying up until he couldn’t think anymore. 

Relishing in the warm water falling down his body he scrubbed himself clean. It’s been a while since he showered, more focused on Shiro than taking care of himself. He forgot how good it felt to wash the daily grime off of his body. He stood under the water for a little longer before turning it off, wrapping a towel around himself, and making his way to the room. As he was about to walk into his room he heard a whistle from the door across from his, he looked back to see Lance and immediately flipped him off accompanied with a warm smile before closing the door behind him to change. 

Finally dressed in just some sweats, he got into bed and turned off the lights getting comfortable and drifting off to sleep.

‘He was back at the fight with Zarkon, except he was in the black lion, watching shiro fight. Keith tried to call out for Shiro, but he couldn’t hear him. He tried to move towards him as the cockpit shifted during the fight but it felt like he was moving in quicksand. Finally as he managed to break free and reach the back of Shiro’s seat, he vanished. It was only Keith left in the black lion. It was silent, like time had paused and he was alone, again. He fell onto his knees and cried into the seat of the black lion. He just wanted Shiro back. He was so close to him, but once again he was gone.’

Something had woken up Lance. A muffled sob. It was Keith. He sprung out of bed and ran to Keith’s room, the door opening up immediately. There was Keith, crying into his pillow, stuck in fetal position, like he was trying to curl in on himself until he vanished. Lance tried to shake Keith awake, but it wasn’t working. Keith cried harder, his whole body shaking.  
“Keith! Keith wake up it’s just a bad dream!” Lance yelled into Keith’s ear, trying to shake him a final time.  
Keith jolted awake, immediately opening his eyes to see Lance and wrapped his arms around his torso to cry into his shirt, bringing Lance down to lay on the bed.  
“It’s okay,” Lance said as he smoothed Keith’s hair in an attempt to calm him down, “I’m right here, it’s okay Keith. It was just a dream, everything is okay.” Keith held onto Lances shirt for dear life as he came down from his nightmare. 

“I was there”, Keith sobbed, “I was there in the cockpit with Shiro. I saw him. It felt so real. I tired to get to him, to protect him. Then he was gone and I failed. I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t bring him back. I couldn’t do it...” Keith continued mumble.  
Lance held him tight as the emotions that Keith gave off started to affect him, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. 

They stayed like this until Keith’s grip loosened and he pulled back, refusing to look Lance in the face, opting for his tear stained shirt.  
“I’m sorry” Keith said

“Sorry for what?”

“For making you do this again. You should’ve just left me alone” Keith moved farther from Lance, self loathing kicking in. Lance grabbed Keith’s shoulders bringing him closer, “Hey, I’m not leaving you to deal with this by yourself. You’re my friend”, Lance whispered. “I know you don’t like being vulnerable but I’m here for you, I want to help you, however I can. And I promise, I won’t leave you.”  
Keith felt conflicted, this was Lance! The guy who would constantly tease and annoy him. The guy he wanted to punch in the face every time he saw him. Now he was being nice to him? Why now? Did he pity him? Was this just more fuel to tease Keith in the future? He wasn’t sure but just thinking about Lance helping Keith made him feel angry and also sprouted a new emotion he wasn’t familiar with when it came to Lance. Happiness? Safety? Whatever it was, it scared him. He couldn’t let this happen again. He couldn’t feel this way about Lance, not now. 

Keith shoved Lance away, face red and frustration coloring his face, “No.” said Keith. Lance looked at him, confusion in his face, “Keith..-“ 

“I said no Lance-“ Keith moved away from the other trying to get as much distance as possible, “I don’t need you. I can handle this myself. If you’re just trying to pity me I don’t need that shit right now. I know you see me as a rival but this isn’t about one upping me. I’m so broken right now, I can’t handle your antics or whatever the fuck you’re trying to do” Keith began sobbing, as he wrapped his arms around himself trying to stop the shaking from taking over his body completely as every new sob came out. Lance just sat at the edge of the bed, wanting to reach out to the other but not wanting to anger him more. With at a loss of what to do, he gently got up and headed for the door. 

“I just want you to know,” Lance said, his body in between Keith’s room and the hallway, “this isn’t about making fun of you. I genuinely want to help in any way I can… and if that means leaving you alone. I’ll do it... If you ever need to reach out, just remember that I’ll be here for you… always.” Finally Lance closed the door to Keith’s room and went back to his room across the hall to deal with what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I get lazy to edit my fics but once I do it I’m in the zone and don’t stop until I’m done so I just gotta remember that for the next chapter and hopefully keep it up! Once again you can follow me for voltron/bnha things in my fandom Twitter: @voltronhecked
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith get a little closer in this chapter. Please get ready for the feels!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter so soon!? I know crazy right? I took the day off cuz I went to the E.R. last night and didn’t go to bed until rlly late, so since I’m stuck in bed all day I thought I might as well upload a new chapter! We’re finally getting to the beginning of the angst and I’m so excited guys! It’s a little shorter than I’m used to, but it ended in a weird place lol. Anyways I hope you like it! The next chapter will be even worse!

Although Keith pushed Lance away once again, it still didn’t stop Lance from running into his room in the middle of the night when he heard the slightest sign of sadness from the room. Night after night it was the same thing, Lance would calm him down and then Keith would freak out and kick him out. Sometimes Keith would pass out from his crying fits and on those rare nights, Lance would tuck him back into bed and stay with him for a bit until Lance was tired enough to go back to his room and pass out as well. 

Recently, Keith hasn’t been kicking Lance out, but talking to him instead, finally trying to open up since Lance hasn’t made any indication to make fun of him or has told anyone about their nights together. Keith started off with just saying a sentence or two, and eventually their nights transformed into Keith telling Lance about his dreams and how scared they made him feel.

“I miss him so much...” Keith said in the quiet darkness. 

They were cuddled under the covers, after another one of Keith’s nightmares. The familiar scent of Lance seemed to calm him down instantly now, and he rubbed his face subtly into Lances shirt to get another whiff, before he let more tears fall. Lance smoothed his hair to help calm him down as he had an idea of what Keith wastruly feeling.

“I know… I know.” That’s all Lance said during these nights, preferring to let Keith do the talking, until he felt better. 

“I just feel so lost without him. He was our leader and now what? How do we go on without him? Black chose me to replace him, but I can’t do it. Not when I’m like this, hell I can barely sleep through the night. How am I supposed to lead everyone when I’m sleep deprived? Maybe there was a mistake? Maybe you were supposed to be the leader but there was a fluke.” 

Lance broke Keith’s rambling with a small chuckle.

“Keith, you’re the most stubborn, amazing, and smartest person I know. If anyone was going to pilot the black lion it was bound to be you. Look at me, I’m a goofball! How could this face ever pilot black?” Keith laughed as Lance made a funny face to further prove his point. “It was your destiny dude. I believe in you... we all do.” 

Lance’s words made Keith smile, a small blush crossing his cheeks at what he said. It was quiet for a moment and Keith refused to look up from his chest to see if Lance was asleep. After another moment, he built up the courage to look up, only to see dark blue eyes staring down at him, a soft smile on his lips. Keith blushed harder suddenly aware of the closeness that they’ve gotten used to over the weeks. 

“What is it?” Keith asks looking away from Lance. 

“Nothing... I was just thinking that you look nice when you blush.” Keith turns redder after hearing Lance’s words.

“So does that mean I look bad when I don’t blush?” Keith retorted, puffing out his cheeks a bit.

“No!” Lance shouts. “That’s not what I meant! I-I mean you look beautiful when you blush.” Lance looks anywhere but Keith’s direction, “I mean more beautiful than you already are.” 

Keith gives a soft “oh”, and decides to bravely look up at Lance, to meet his deep sea eyes. They sparkle as a blush covers Lance’s face to match Keith’s. Their faces slowly get closer, but Keith pauses and look away, a serious expression covering his face, confusing Lance. 

“I’m sorry. I should tell you, before anything happens-” Keith moves away for a minute trying to make some space in case things get awkward, “I still love Shiro... nothing will ever change that, and when we get him back, I will tell him how I feel, and I hope he’ll return my feelings. So whatever this is… it’ll end.” 

There was a pause between the two of them. Keith unsure of what to do, just stuck watching the gears turn in Lance’s head. It wasn’t long until Lance chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. Cupping Keith’s cheek with one hand, the other still around his waist from trying to calm Keith down, “Dude I don’t care what happens after all this is over, I just want to be there for you since Shiro can’t be here to make you feel okay.” Keith’s eyes water over at the mention of Shiro not being here, and a stray tear falls down his face.

“Shit! Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. All I meant is that I’ll be here for you, however you need me. However will make you feel better. Just some good old bro love.” Keith rolled his eyes and laughed at Lance. 

“Are you sure?” Keith says.

“Of course, I’d do anything for you.” Lance smiles at him deeply, blue meeting purple. With a shaky breath Keith decidedly says, “okay”. Slowly Lance makes his way towards Keith’s mouth. Once they meet Keith closes his eyes and kisses back softly, another tear rolling down his cheek. A small kiss is all they share and part after a couple seconds. Lance smiles and Keith offers a small one in return.

“How do you feel?” Lance asks, slightly out of breath, as he wipes away the fallen tears with his thumb.

“I feel better. Thanks.” Keith says softly, another blush spreading across his face. 

“Good.” Lance goes to untangle his limbs from Keith’s, but Keith holds on tighter. 

“Wait, can you stay here tonight?” Lance smiles and returns to his previous position. 

“Of course Keith.” Lance cups Keith’s cheek one more time. Stealing another soft kiss before they both fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it, and I’m gonna start working on editing the new chapter right now so that should be up soon! Once again you can follow me on my fandom twitter @voltronhecked. See you soon for the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems to be going well for Keith and Lance, that is until Lance does something that crosses the line!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the non con comes into play, it’s a short scene but it does happen! Enjoy!

The next morning Lance is still in bed with Keith, watching him sleep. The frown gone from his face is a breath of fresh air and he moves to kiss Keith’s temple. The truth is Lance has had feelings for Keith for a while. He’s been meaning to work up the courage to confess but always chickened out at the last second. It hurt Lance to know Keith was in love with someone else, but when he first heard Keith sob in the middle of the night, he knew he had to help him any way he could. It may not be the ideal situation for Lance but if Lance could make him happy for just a short amount of time, that’s all that he needs. 

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice that Keith has woken and tries to grab his attention, “Lance... hey! Earth to Lance!!” Keith gives him a small peck on the cheek, which pulls Lance out of his thoughts. 

“Oh! Morning sunshine.” Lance gives him his blindingly beautiful smile, and mixed with his bed head it makes Keith blush. 

“Morning” Keith says quickly and turns his head to hide his growing blush.Lance chuckles and pulls him into a tight hug, as he feels Keith’s body turn towards him again.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Nightmare free!” 

Lance smiles at this and hugs Keith tighter, if it was even possible, and gives him a peck on his temple, “That makes me so happy, you have no idea!” 

Keith scoffs and pushes him away, “You’re such a sap, come on let’s get breakfast”, and slowly walks to the kitchen as Lance trails behind him. 

The day goes by as usual, a quick breakfast, sparring, team meetings about the next steps in finding Shiro, which is met with a vice grip hold on Lance’s hand at every mention of Shiro, and finally some more sparring and a quick dinner. 

At the end of the day, the whole team was exhausted and said their good nights for the evening, everyone except Keith and Lance who were sitting in the living room watching whatever bad tv their ships signal could reach. Keith had his head rested on Lances shoulder, while the other was gently running his fingers through Keith’s hair. It was such a perfect moment, thought Keith, he hadn’t worried about anything for a good 30 minutes, still full from dinner and getting sleepy from the sensations on his hair. 

Just as Keith was about to pass out, Lance shifted and move Keith to sit up on his own as Lance moved to get up, “Sorry, I’m getting pretty tired so I’m gonna head to the showers real quick. Will you be okay by yourself?” 

Keith rolled his sleepy eyes, “Of course I’ll be fine, I’m not a child”,which earned Lance a chuckle as he left for the showers. 

Keith sat there, now more awake and spacing out with the TV still on. Keith felt a little lighter than he had the last couple of days, thanks to Lance for being the thing to keep himself grounded during his panic attacks, and trying to prevent oncoming ones. Like during the team’s meeting about Shiro and how sick felt during the whole ordeal. He missed him so much. Just hearing his name being mentioned so many times brought back images of his beautiful shining face, a face that could light up a room, and Keith’s heart and how it had all disappeared in the blink of an eye. 

Keith let out a shuddering breath, not realizing he was holding it in and got up to find his scanner to continue his search for the man that consumed his thoughts.

As Lance came back from the showers, fresh and relaxed, he heard mumbling coming from the living room. The lights were off so he assumed Keith may have gone to his room and was heading to meet him there, but there was a dim blue glow from the living room entrance. 

He made his way over, calling out for Keith but received no reply. He finally made his way out to the room and saw Keith hunched over the scanner, speaking to himself and writing furiously. Different coordinates were scrawled on the notepad, most crossed out, some not. 

Lance was scared, seeing Keith in this state hurt his heart and reminded him how much Keith cared about Shiro, more than he ever would about the brunette. Lance slowly made his way to the couch, taking a cautious seat next to Keith trying not to startle him in his train of thought. He looked at his face and could see tears slowly falling down it, and his hands were trembling with every movement he made. 

Lance moved to touch his shoulder and hopefully break his trance but it was ignored by the purple eyed male. Keith was still typing his coordinates and furiously crossing them off, while mumbling “gotta find him… where is he… Shiro...” over and over again. 

Lance was close to tears feeling his heart break over something like this and quickly pulled Keith into a tight hug hoping the constrictions would finally stop him. Keith thrashed around trying to get free, trying to reach the transmitter, but Lance wouldn’t budge and only held up tighter until Keith’s thrashing turned into tired movements and his head slumped forward until he stopped. It was quiet for a long time, just the sound of breath from the two filled the room, and no one dared to move.

“I’m sorry”, Lance finally said, his words echoing around and inside Keith’s head. Keith didn’t say anything, instead frozen in pain, “I get so scared when I see you like this. I understand why you’re doing this, but you need to tone it down. Look at what this does to you, this isn’t okay! We’re all afraid for you and we wish we could help you more, but beyond the team meetings there’s nothing we can do unless you tell us. Why don’t you give some of this work to the others, they’d be happy to help lighten your load. Then maybe you wouldn’t be like this all the time… we miss the old Keith.” 

It was silent for a moment, Lance wasn’t sure Keith would be able to say or do anything besides just sit there. That is until he saw his chest slowly begin to rise and fall normally again.

“If you miss the old Keith so much”, he whispered, “why won’t you let me do this so I can find him and everything can be how it once was? Just let me go and let me find him. I don’t need help from anyone. He’s mine to find, I need to know he’s okay. That he’s safe. That he’s alive…” his voice cracked as he spoke and more tears began to fall, rewetting the slightly dried tears from before. “Leave me alone so I can bring him back… he needs to come back…” 

Lance ended their embrace and grabbed Keith’s face, turning it so they were looking eye to eye. “Don’t you get it! Don’t you understand that we all want Shiro back? We’re doing everything we can, Allura and Coran are constantly thinking of any explanation for his disappearance. They’ve sent word out to our allies to also keep an eye out for him! And Pidge and Hunk are trying to boost their signals to reach galaxies a trillion light years from us. Everyone is working to find him, everyone is tired but we’re still here trying to find him! It’s not just you against the world, we’re here to help but we can only help if you let us. We can put all of our heads together and bring him back! The only thing stopping this is you. You’re constantly tired, you zone out, you don’t contribute anymore. You just sit here until the morning scanning whatever you can, whatever Pidge and Hunk have already scanned because you refuse help! You’re just driving yourself crazy and it needs to stop… for me… for Shiro…” Lance huffed out his final words as tears started to fall from his face as well, mirroring the other. 

“I can’t just do that… don’t you understand… it’s my fault he’s gone. If I had been quicker, if it was me who was gone instead-“

“Don’t say that! If you were gonna instead of Shiro, do you think he would be doing any better in this situation? He obviously has feelings for you. You know he would go to the end of the universe to find you. You’re so lucky to have him… and soon he’ll know he’s lucky to have you too.” 

Lance quickly pulled Keith into a hug to both console Keith and hide his face from the pain that it showed. He was falling for Keith every day and ever since their first kiss he’s been wanting another every second he looks at Keith’s beautiful face. He wanted Keith to have these same feelings for him, he wanted Keith to lose sleep about himself. Seeing Keith get this wrecked about Shiro made him feel bitter inside but he refused to show that side to the one person who didn’t deserve it. He just kept on hugging him and smoothing his hair until they both calmed down. 

Although Lance’s bitterness still remained, it finally bubbled down to something he could ignore. That is until the hug broke and Lance saw Keith’s red eyes and tear stained face. The bitterness rose again and he wanted to find Shiro to yell at him for making Keith, his amazing wonderful Keith, feel anything but happiness. He wanted to bring light back to that face, just like he remembered. So he just went for it without thinking. 

He leaned in and kissed him, harder than he ever had before. He heard Keith make a noise of protest but he held his head in place as his kiss got deeper, hungrier. Lance’s tongue grazed Keith’s lip and made him try to protest again but it only left room for Lance to sneak his tongue inside. Slowly Lance guided Keith’s back onto the couch, slotting his legs between the others and devouring his mouth with tongue and teeth. Lance heard moans coming from the other, so he thought he must be enjoying it too.

That is until he felt a punch to his kidney and Lance rose up as Keith found his chance to move and run to his room before Lance realized what happened. Lance sat in the blue lit room, scanner still going over coordinates as he cursed in pain. He really fucked up.

The next morning Lance woke up feeling like last night was just a weird dream. He felt terrible and his body ached more than usual, but he ignored it and made his way to the kitchen. It was surprisingly empty, sure more of the paladins would be off starting their day but Keith and him always seemed to be the last ones to get ready. Today it was only him.

‘Maybe Keith decided to wake up early and get started with everyone else today, no big deal’, he thought, so Lance shrugged it off and went to eat whatever “cereal” sounded least alien. During their first spar of the day, Keith still wasn’t there. Lance looked around the room for him but in return ended up on the floor thanks to Allura attacking him while he was off guard. Lance didn’t realize it, still looking around the room for that familiar raven hair. 

“Is everything alright, Lance?” Inquired Allura as she held out her hand for the other to take. Lance was taken out of his search and looked up at her. 

“Hm? Oh! Sorry Allura!-”, he quickly grabbed her hand and was hoisted to a standing position, “Thanks… um actually, do you know where Keith’s been? I haven’t seen him since yesterday?” Lance sheepishly asked.

Allura made a face, she seemed suspicious of his question. She was under the impression that the two were rivals, but here he was worried about the other. Well they were still friends after all so she supposed it couldn’t be helped to worry a bit and her face returned to the normal happy go lucky demeanor she always wore.

“Keith said he wasn’t feeling too well, so he was put on bed rest today. Thank the stars, the poor boy needs some rest after everything that’s happened to him.” Lance looked concerned, considering Keith would never take a break, especially at a time like this. Allura could see the small look of distress on Lance’s face and patted his shoulder. 

“Don’t you worry. I’m sure Keith will be as fresh as a faltarian bread in time for tomorrow! Everyone needs some rest every now and then. Including Keith!” And with that, Lance seemed to relax a bit and went back into fighting stance to continue his spar with Allura. 

The rest of the day continued as normal, sans Keith. It wasn’t until nighttime where Lance was exiting the showers and heading to his room when he saw Keith exit his room and head toward him, towel in hand. Lance perked up, waving and walking slightly faster to meet Keith. 

“Hey! How are you feelin-“, Keith looked up, he jumped slightly and quickly turned around and headed back to his room before Lance could catch him. 

Lance followed him until the door closed in his face, leaving him alone in the hallway. Perplexed at the situation, he knocked a couple times on the door but received no answer. He knocked again and waited but could hear nothing on the other side of the door. Lance started to feel worried, This was very unlike Keith and he didn’t want their relationship to be like this. 

“Keith!”, Lance called out, putting his mouth close to the door, “is everything okay?... are you alright?” Still silence greeted him. “We all missed you today. Allura even kicked my ass because I was out of it, wondering if you were okay!” Silence. “Look I just wanna know if you’re okay. Did I do something to make you angry? If so, I didn’t mean to! I prom-“ quickly Keith opened his door, startling Lance. “Hey there you are! I thought you were mad at me-“

“Shut up.” Keith growled, his face was red and he looked ready to punch him. Lance was confused and a little scared.

“What do you mean? Why are you mad?”

“I said shut up! Stop talking and leave me alone asshole!”

“Woah, what’s going on?”

“Don’t play that shit with me. you know what you did. How can you just forget that?” 

Lance was confused he tried going over last nights details but he couldn’t remember, it all seemed like such a blur.

“I’m sorry dude but I can’t remember. Can you please tell me why I’m an asshole?” 

“How do you not remember? It seemed like something you’ve been dying to do,probably since our first kiss…” Keith waited for it to click inside Lance’s head, but he was still met with a confused expression from the other, “you fucking forced yourself on me.” Keith spat out. 

Lance sputtered, forcing himself on Keith that doesn’t sound right- no, he remembered. All at once his memories of last night came back, so it wasn’t just a dream. That was real… shit.

“Oh my god Keith. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I remember just wanting to make you feel better and you wouldn’t stop crying and I just panicked!”

“Bullshit! You knew what you were doing. You knew so well that you wouldn’t stop until I had to hurt you.” Oh so that’s why his body felt terrible this morning. 

“Look I don’t know how you could ever forgive me but please know I didn’t mean for it to go the way it did.”

“You’re right I don’t know how I could forgive. So I won’t.” And with that the door was once again closed in Lances face. 

‘What the hell just happened?’ The interaction was so quick and chaotic that he was left frozen in the hallway. Finally he took in a deep breath. He really fucked up, he hurt the one person he was trying to protect, just for getting lost in the moment. Why was he such an idiot? Lance put his hand on Keith’s door and stared long and hard before giving up and retreating back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. As I was editing this I was screaming because I’m listening to an angsty fic playlist and everything I read just hurt a lot more than it should. I’m kinda on a roll with this editing process so I might fuck around and do another chapter tonight! Once again I’m over @voltronhecked on twitter for all your fandom needs!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After last nights events, Lance wants to apologize, but Keith refuses to hear a word from him. Keith doesn’t need help dealing with his problems. He can do it all by himself. Or so he thinks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! Things get spicy in this chapter, but not spicy enough! Prepare your hearts!

Keith stared up at his ceiling. Heart beating hard and tears threatening to fall. ‘How could he do that?’ He thought as he replayed last night's events over and over in his mind.

He was in such a vulnerable state and Lance just did that to him? He felt hurt and lost. Hurt that the one person who offered to help him in his time of pain would turn on him so quickly. Lost because who else could he turn to for comfort now? He didn’t want to bother the others since what Lance said was true and they were all working hard for Keith,but mostly because Keith had reciprocated Lance’s advances. He didn’t even notice that Lance was on top of him until things started to feel hotter around him. 

Why did he do that? He knew he still loved Shiro, but he felt so alone, constantly, that without him there just the touch of someone else made him feel calm. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he enjoyed what had happened. It made him feel sick. That’s why he freaked out and hit him in the side before he could let it go any further. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it might've been what he needed and Keith was not in the mood to admit that to himself right now. 

Keith sighed and turned in his bed to look at his clock. It was an hour and a half before everyone had to meet up for their morning meeting. He couldn’t sleep at all last night and he felt all the exhaustion finally hit him at once, unfortunately it was too late to do anything about it. Keith reluctantly got out of bed and slipped on his outfit for the day, black pants and a grey t-shirt, and made his way to the kitchen for breakfast. 

Pidge and Hunk were there, almost done with their breakfast and getting ready to start their day. Hunk perked up at the sight of Keith and nudged Pidge to stop whatever tangent she was on to look up and notice Keith as well.

“Hey buddy, how are you?” questioned Hunk, saying it with such caution as if he was talking to a frightened animal. 

“I’m alright… how are you guys?” Replied Keith as he made his way to grab a bowl and some cereal. 

“We’re all good here… we miss you.” Hunk‘s words stopped Keith's motions, “we haven’t really talked in a while, besides from our meetings, ya know?” 

Keith’s back was still turned to the others, he was stiff, obviously uncomfortable with the current conversation. He felt bad for blocking everyone out of his life, he knew they were only trying to help, but he didn’t want any form of pity from the others. 

Keith took in a deep breath and turned to face them, hand instinctively rubbing the back of his head, “Yeah… I know. I’m sorry about that guys, I’ve just been so caught up in everything I just haven’t had time to notice what was going on around me.”

Hunk gave Keith a warm smile in return, “That’s totally cool, we understand. It’s so easy to get focused on one thing, especially something as important as this. Just don’t forget that we always have your back. Anything you need, we got you… although it looks like Lance has been there for you better than the rest of us could.”

Keith flinched at Lance’s name, “What would make you say that?” He said a bit too loud.

Hunk looked perplexed, “I just mean that he seems to be helping you get out of your head and be present with us. You two have been spending more time together and it looks like it’s been good for you. I didn’t mean anything bad by it, I’m sorry.” 

Keith sighed, of course that’s what he meant. No one knew about what really happened between them, “It’s okay. Sorry I didn’t mean to get that loud… yeah, I guess being with him has helped.” Keith’s back faced the two once again, as he returned the cereal to its spot on the counter, and he started to make his way out to the training room. “Well I’ll see you guys in a bit” Keith yelled after the two.

“But what about your cereal?” Hunk said after him, but Keith was already gone. Hunk sighed turning back to face Pidge, “I’m worried about him Pidge…” 

Pidge patted his back in consolation, “He’s just going through stuff right now, the only thing we can do is help find Shiro so Keith can get back to his normal Shiro loving self!” The two laughed at how obvious Keith’s love for Shiro was, they didn’t even notice Lance walk into the kitchen, too preoccupied laughing over the times Keith turned beet red in front of Shiro whenever they made eye contact or he said something nice to Keith. 

“What’s so funny guys?” Lance asked in a yawn as he searched the fridge for something edible. This stopped the two mid laughter, shocked at seeing the other up early as well.

“Wow two sleeping beauties up early! Did we wake up in different dimension!?” Hunk said jokingly to Pidge.

“What do you mean by that?” Said Lance as he pulled out a white liquid resembling milk to accompany his cereal.

“Well we just saw Keith not too long ago, he just left to the training room-“

“Keith was here?” Lance asked, cutting off Pidge in return. He quickly put the cereal and white liquid away and made his way to the training room. 

“You’re welcome…” Pidge called after him, “what’s up with people today and not eating their breakfast?” She said to Hunk, who shrugged his shoulders in reply.

Keith was stretching on the mats in the training room, trying to get his thoughts off of Lance. Just hearing his name made his skin crawl, he felt so uncomfortable knowing that the others could see a difference in Keith’s demeanor, thanks to the other. He could do fine by himself, he could do more than Lance ever could to comfort him, and he was going to prove it. 

Lost in his thoughts, Keith didn’t notice Lance enter the room. He only knew when he felt a hand on his shoulder, which made Keith jump in turn. Looking up to see who had scared the living daylights out of him, he was met with those deep blue eyes. 

“Get away from me.” Keith spat out, promptly getting up and moving to the punching bags to work out his sudden burst of anger.

“Look I know I fucked up, and you don’t have to forgive me. That's fine! But I want to earn your trust back. I’m really sorry and if there’s anything I can do, just please let me know.” There was silence. Keith’s only reply was his heavy breathing and the pounding anger against the bag.

After a particularly hard punch, Keith turned to face Lance, “You want to know how you can help? Leave me alone. That’s it!” And with that Keith ignored the rest of Lance’s pleas to instead focus on the punching bag, pretending it was a certain brunettes face instead, which in turn got louder with each punch, drowning out Lance’s attempt at an apology.

The rest of the day went as usual, except that everyone could sense the coldness that Keith gave to Lance. It was rather awkward and everyone tried to ignore it to focus on the tasks ahead, but the feeling couldn’t be shaken off. 

Eventually the days melted together, each the same as the last. 

Keith would be up early, get a small breakfast and head to the training room to start the day. Then Lance would enter to do the same. Day after day Lance would try to talk to Keith, but Keith would ignore anything Lance tried to say, until eventually Lance gave up. 

Everyone noticed, but no one would bring it up, as long as the daily tasks were taken care of and Keith didn’t look like he stumbled back into a depressive state, there would be no cause for alarm. 

Keith still had his late nights of searching scanners for Shiro, but before he went crazy with grief he would shut everything down and go to bed, finally realizing he had a limit when it came to these things. Everything seemed to go back to how it used to be and everyone was slowly calming down.

That is until the night Keith’s nightmares were particularly bad. He was once again in black’s cockpit, but instead of seeing Shiro disappear, he was laying on the ground, frozen and cold. Keith ran to Shiro’s side and tried to shake him awake, but nothing worked. Keith was stuck calling Shiro’s name in the emptiness of the cockpit, voice hoarse and tears falling down his cheeks.

Keith jolted awake, sweat covering his brow. He was shaking badly and it felt like his room was getting smaller and smaller with each breath he took. He tried counting down from 10 to try to calm down but it didn’t work. His head was swimming with thoughts of Shiro and how it was Keith’s fault that he couldn’t be saved. He was going crazy. He couldn’t think straight anymore he just needed it all to stop.

So he jumped out of bed, feet moving quicker than his brain and rushed across the hall. Just as he was about to open the door, he paused, ‘Is he really doing this right now? Was it really so bad that he had to resort to him?’ Keith steadied his breathing and slowly walked back to his room. He wouldn’t do this to himself. Not again. He could figure this out by himself, all he needed was himself.

Keith spent the rest of the night falling in and out of sleep. Every time he reached deep sleep his nightmares would come back to him and he’d start to panic all over again, promptly waking him up. 

Everyone else seemed to notice Keith’s appearance, eye bags deeper than ever and scleras as red as his jacket, he tried to cover it up around the others but nothing seemed to work. No one said anything to him but Keith could see their concerned faces in their meetings and everyone definitely went easy on him during their sparring sessions. 

Keith felt embarrassed that he couldn’t keep calm on his own. He wanted to prove to everyone that he was doing okay, that he didn’t need any help, but here he was falling asleep during their team meetings, promptly stopping all conversation until he woke up again. The only one who didn’t seem to notice was Lance, who kept his head down whenever he got a glimpse of the other, preferring to forget he existed or engage in conversation with whoever was farthest away from Keith at the time. 

So it was to Lance’s surprise when he felt something dip into his bed one night. He opened his eyes, still heavy from sleep to find Keith above him,face wet and tense. They looked at each other, Keith looked frightened, like he didn’t want to be caught by the other, while Lance looked confused. First Keith said he wanted nothing to do with the other, then here he was crawling over him in the middle of the night.

Lance opened his mouth to speak but Keith beat him to it, putting his pointer finger on the others lips, “Don’t” he said, voice small and scared, before he moved down, replacing his finger with his lips, to kiss Lance deeply. 

To say Lance was shocked was an understatement. He had no idea how to react to something like this. On one hand he was over the moon that he got to kiss Keith again, but on the other, he didn’t want to reciprocate in case it was too much for the other and he left again. So instead he just laid there and let it happen, hands at his sides, fists balled so he wouldn’t touch the other.

Keith kissed him with so much force as tears transferred from one face to another. It wasn’t long before Keith’s tongue came out to lick at the others lips, asking for entrance. Lance let out a small gasp at the sensation, which let Keith get deeper and explore the others mouth. His hand resting in the brunette’s hair.

Lance’s tongue slowly started to tangle with the others, getting lost in the sensation of Keith’s warm slick tongue exploring his, letting the other take control of the situation. 

Keith slowly let his hands wander over the others chest, lost in the feeling of the kiss and wanting to go further and further. His hands ghosted over Lance’s ribs and stomach, gently going upwards until he placed both his hands on Lance’s pecs, and pinched both nubs to complete hardness.

Lance gasped, his back arching as his chest was played with and Keith made his way down to his neck, kissing and sucking at his sensitive spots, one hand leaving a nipple to pull at his hair exposing more of his neck. Lance was going crazy. He wanted so badly to put his hands on the others hips and grind their lower halves together, but he was too afraid he’d ruin the moment. He just laid there taking in all sensations and trying not to be too loud at the treatment he was receiving. 

Keith’s mouth continued to move lower, after leaving marks all over Lance‘s neck, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses until his mouth found the nipple that his hand abandoned in favor of tugging on his hair. He gently sucked and bit at the protrusion, too lost in thought to hear the other moan under him. 

Finally Lance couldn’t take it anymore, he moaned particularly loud, saying Keith’s name, and carding his hands through the others hair. This seemed to snap Keith out of whatever trance he was in. 

He shot up and quickly removed himself from the other. Shock and pain spreading over Keith’s face as he stared down at Lance. Lance was confused at the loss of Keith on top of him and whined, surging forward to grab his hand, but Keith was faster and ran back to his room before Lance had a chance to get up and run after him. 

Lance was left there seriously confused, annoyed, and incredibly turned on all at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I haven’t posted a new chapter in forever, but I’ve had some on and off health problems lately that make me absolutely miserable and I can’t focus on anything. Hopefully they’re all resolved now and I can update this fic more frequently!
> 
> Once again! Thank you for reading and leave a comment or two if you want! 
> 
> You can find me on Twitter @voltronhecked


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